Orion Classics, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, United Artists Releasing
Here’s the thing, we have been locked up for going on three months now, and I need the fluff, and I need it set to a nostalgia-packed ‘80s soundtrack. I don’t care if the jukebox musical take on the Nick Cage ‘80s classic Valley Girl (directed by Rachel Lee Goldenberg) is both unnecessary, panned and oddly steaming on Amazon Prime where I now buy my toilet paper. I don’t even care about the odd device of Alicia Silverstone narrating. Well, I do care about that one, but that’s why we have fast-forwarding. Sorry, Alicia, I don’t like to time-jump to the narrator’s wise, hindsight point of view. I want to stay in it with all the bad, reckless decisions, big fashion, and bigger hair. I want to get lost in it, have Julie (Jessica Rothe) coquettishly wrap me up in her pink phone cord so I don’t have return to the real world. YES. Plus all the pink, all the bright colors, big songs, a dreamy Hollywood punk guy, Randy (Josh Whitehouse), and finally–a leather/denim ensemble just made for the beach. Finally! With new takes on some of the best ‘80s hits like We Got the Beat (The Go-Gos), Take on Me (a-ha), and I Melt with You (Modern English), drop the guilt, grab your fishnets, and head to the Valley.